http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,340737,00.html
This story is a few days old and it's taken a while for me to react because the emotions keep changing. Disbelief, anger, sorrow. The immediate response was here is another example of the notion so pervasive today that life should be painless and free of sorrow and disappointment and if life is otherwise then it’s someone else’s fault and they should pay.
Life is. It’s up and down, in and out, good, bad, sad, boring, exciting and everything else. It is both joyful and painful. It never goes in a straight line and no matter how well you plan and prepare the unexpected will happen. For good or otherwise. There are no guarantees.
We who have children with bleeding disorders know this all too well. Our dreams, hopes and aspirations for our perfect children were shaken to the core with the diagnosis of hemophilia or von Willebrand’s. For most of us; time, education and the support of others in the bleeding disorders community was all that was needed for those previously crumbled dreams to be rebuilt. Rebuilt and perhaps standing stronger having been tempered by the lesson that fate is fickle and dreams need not be discarded but rather reshaped and refocused.
It’s a lesson that this couple in Australia has obviously not learned or are unwilling to learn. Opting rather to wallow in victimhood and self-pity (or even more disgraceful – playing the victim card for purely monetary motives).
Laurie Kelley is right to point out that our only knowledge of the case, its facts and the litigants comes from these stories. The Melbourne Sunday Herald Sun had, I believe, the full original story. And from it I’m willing to make some inferences.
I’m no lawyer but this couple doesn't appear to be suing for ‘breach of contract’. Meaning: they were not given a 100% guarantee of having a girl. This is supported in the Herald Sun story:
"They [Lawyers for Melbourne IVF] claim the couple was given and signed an IVF consent form and a embryo biopsy consent form which stated: "If a pregnancy is achieved from biopsied embryos, we understand that further diagnostic tests are recommended to confirm the early embryo diagnosis."
"The plaintiffs knew . . . that undergoing IVF and PGD did not guarantee a female fetus if a pregnancy were to occur and could result in the sort of injury, loss and damage about which the plaintiffs complain," court documents say.
"The plaintiffs agreed to undergo IVF and PGD with the full appreciation of the nature and extent of the risks involved."
And is it possible that tests and ultrasounds were inconclusive as to the gender of the baby? Sure. How many stories have we heard of people expecting a baby of one sex because of an ultrasound only to be blessed with a child of the opposite sex? Also, given the nature of the IVF selection in this case the baby’s sex was perhaps taken for granted, by everyone.
It’s a sad case on so many levels.
“And they are claiming money to cover medical expenses, because Jess will need treatment and care for life.”
Did they count on psychiatric help after Jess starts wondering why “Mum and Dad didn’t want a boy like me. So much they considered killing me before I was born.”
“The couple say that, had they known [the baby was a boy], they would have considered terminating the pregnancy.”
Of course I find the above quote entirely repugnant. It recalls an excerpt I read from Practical Ethics a book by Pete Singer, a so-called bioethicist from Princeton University.
“When the death of a disabled infant will lead to the birth of another infant with better prospects of a happy life, the total account of happiness will be greater if the disabled infant is killed. The loss of happy life for the first infant is outweighed by the gain of a happier life for the second. Therefore if killing the haemophiliac infant has no adverse impact on others, it would…be right to kill him.”
Infuriating and sad. Mostly sad.
It’s not the fact that this couple went to extraordinary lengths to have a hemophilia-free child, Allison and I had similar discussions before choosing to have another child and leave it up to God. But by pursuing this litigation this couple is demonstrating a clear resentment and disdain for the life of their son Jess. A life and condition shared by my son.
Like all children our boys with hemophilia are gifts. Gifts to be cherished and nurtured and loved. Each one with unique talents and abilities, needs and wants. They are undeniable gifts and constant sources of joy.
Jess is three now. And I hope his parents know, and he knows, that he is a gift and a joy.
2 comments:
And having parents like both of you is a bless for your children...keep writing and share your ideas and feelings with the world. You write very well.
This was lovely. This is causing quite the controversy, and your blog was fair and respectful of the opposite view while being a passionate advocate of your own view, with which I happen to agree. Children sometimes bring their greatest gifts with the greatest challenges. Bravo.
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